As of today I've really been doing a lot of thinking, about the good and bad that has happened in the past day/weeks/months an year. All this has had me thinking differently and more positively. I've vowed to myself to worry about me and me only, of course GOD first then me then family. And its in that order because w/o GOD I'm nothing then me cause I need to take care of me before I can take care of or help my la familia. 2010 will be a positive mark on the time line of my life, seeing as in the past years I feel I haven't taken care of responsibilities as I should have through my eyes. Knowing that GOD won't put more on me that I can bear gives me comfort and assurance to my soul, believing that there is something much bigger than what I see on a daily basis and feeling the presence of something much greater than man. Therefore today and 2010 will indeed be a new beginning for me. M
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
O so much
This last month has literally been the hardest since getting forced to leave moms house, in my eyes. Dealing with the cut back in funds living with my aunt and her feeling I could care less about her and her fam is just ridiculous. The words " @least make sure Kori ok" has been running through my mind at the speed of light over and over and over. To think that I don't care about my fam or would ever try to jeopardize the well being of my family hurts like hell. Paying 800 for a room for over a year and a half knowing I could have my own shit, and just trying to make sure fam straight is all I really been tryna do. And I see now after last convo that I gotta be on some TEAM OF ME type ish seeing things in a different light. I was told I have to take care of me more than once but not paying it any mind and mow that shit hits the fan I see, that no matter what others think I gotta try to make myself happy and the only person I can change is myself. A word to the wise is sufficient, and as of now its sufficient as fuck. Its 2010 and I no longer have time for stress, drama, fake friends, and wack fam. Not saying this because of todays situation but to help you understand it like this:
*if you call me a friend and I have to try to kick it with you all the time to hang out (fake friend)
*if you complain about people to me and hang with them all the time (fake friend)
*if you never came to see me or hang with me on some you my nigga type shit (horrible friend)
* you only hit me when you need something and always got your habd out --90%--of the time (fake fam)
*when I have I give and wken I NEED and you had and never gave (fake fam)
*if I give you my last and you still complainin about shit (drama)
*mad at how shit is and now that you around and its not diff you mad (drama)
*say imma bad !whatever! Cause I'd rather not be where I can't be comfy so I leave (bullshit)
And etc. I. Don't need the stress and won't consider it or have. it in my life anymore.
*if you call me a friend and I have to try to kick it with you all the time to hang out (fake friend)
*if you complain about people to me and hang with them all the time (fake friend)
*if you never came to see me or hang with me on some you my nigga type shit (horrible friend)
* you only hit me when you need something and always got your habd out --90%--of the time (fake fam)
*when I have I give and wken I NEED and you had and never gave (fake fam)
*if I give you my last and you still complainin about shit (drama)
*mad at how shit is and now that you around and its not diff you mad (drama)
*say imma bad !whatever! Cause I'd rather not be where I can't be comfy so I leave (bullshit)
And etc. I. Don't need the stress and won't consider it or have. it in my life anymore.
But to continue I'm all about LB if you don't know him you don't know me or even Brandon Jerel Leggette for fam, imma be easy on some, not all but most. Watch if this is to you you'll see the change. No more negativity that's un-needed will be heard. This is the update if you haven't read this then you'll just have to to find out for yourself.
All it all changes now
Sincerely me
Brandon( aka:lb) leggette
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Monday, January 11, 2010
Today is another day wishin the diamond in the rough was easier to have its easy to find but its not quite mine. Besides that the job hunt isn't going so easy as I'd like it to, but anywho I know my time is coming.. I went to church sunday and Pastor George said you must pay for the good/bad/ and unknown, I have no problem with this knowing that success isn't far away but requires patience and persistence. I'm learing patience and being persistence isn't that hard but my problem is knowing even when things are bad they will get better. Ill do my best and just let GOD do the rest.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
another day without another dollar
Again today as ive been having lately its been a unproductive day, a day that i unfortunetly did nothing but sat on my black ass. But tomorrow will be different not because i go to my much appreciated low pay part-time job but because ill also be going out to fill out apps. Im gonna start going into overdrive with finding a j.o.b "job". And reason being is because i need another job and because i DO NOT want to move back to fontucky aka FONTANA. The fact that my family mother, brother, sister, and best friend lives out there is not enough to make me make that big move. Ive really realized that this is a recession, before i knew it was a recession and jobs had been really scarse but it didnt affect me so it wasent something i cared to much about. Now im faced with the problems and hardship of the recession. The scarcity in jobs, the hike in taxes and the financial deficit that has put americans in a bind on spending. I went from buying 4-6 pairs of shoes a week living at my aunts to barely spending money period paying 800 for a room living with another aunt. I know I know 800 for a room i might as well have my own spot well thats just one of my many bad decisions made being young and yes dumb. But as i get older and much wiser day by day im changing and believing that "a word to the wise is sufficient". So with that being said in this new year thats my mission and im on some new shit its called "team of me" if your friendship isnt gonna benefit me your not gonna be that, and if your aura is giving to much negativity i dont need you around me, sorry but it is what it is.
(continued)
a trip to san fran would definitely be good for me as well , talk about a much needed trip without. what id do to be in big bear again under a different cercumstance, which would be no manny. it would be the perfect get away right now. shit even a trip to miami would be nice lol, or even to be in anaheim in april as before id take advantage of the oportunity to get away. if you dont understand me well i might now b ment for you to know but it might entertain your curiosity. shit even to go 2 years back to vegas i do that and get higher than before , d.will and t.will should feel me on that note lmfao.
so so much on my mind
i went by your house and didnt see the whip with the black twin stripes on it,
knowing that all i wanted was to see you talk to you and just vent.
i also cant just drive to inglewood and take my cares away,
i definitely cant now but later maybe.
not enough gas to just drive to ventura if i wanted,
get a good rest and just put away my problems or even sleep on them.
nowhere to go no one to really talk to to tell all my problems,
so im here at home all alone.
i called you from work you didnt answer,
and for the one who did you werent even listening.
thats what i need right now someone to listen,
i know that you could change this feeling temperarily but not forever.
i should have done better i shouldnt be here,
but i am and there isnt nothing i can do right now.
but ever though ive failed myself as others have done to me,
moms will never fail me nor will GOD.
because right now it is me against the world,
and imma fight back hard.
taking all my wounds and scares with me,
healing them as i go.
not even a trip to LAX could help me,
it could but the trip and the conversation itself wouldnt be enough to cure me but only sooth me.
but ive been down that road b4,
sittin outside waiting for minutes at a time would only make me made a cause me to get a ticket something i cant afford at this present moment.
but i wish the aftermath of that as b4 were an option for me it would at least help.
but im no longer counting on the shoulder of others to help me out,
imma do me and keep it that we.
contemplating if i go to joes or zaras would help,
umm not sure and even then i dont think that attemp would result in a cure.
ugggghhhh....so many things running through this unsober mind,
hoping thatnright now im not running out of time.
a trip to joes, a drive to ventura, a mob to inglewood, a minute in hawthorne, or a visit to the street cedar,
ima believer of venting so this is my only choice.
so this will be my voice .
since this is all i have at this present time,
and ill just keep all these thoughts on my mind.
shavers, jones, diamond, latin, eason, scott, haris, armijo, and all the rest arent there only williams so know i gots much love for you bru.
and imma keep with what im doing ,
till i get a change in luck.
p.s. again much love for ya d. will i got you whenever if needed.
me and backup you already know (we gunnas lol)
knowing that all i wanted was to see you talk to you and just vent.
i also cant just drive to inglewood and take my cares away,
i definitely cant now but later maybe.
not enough gas to just drive to ventura if i wanted,
get a good rest and just put away my problems or even sleep on them.
nowhere to go no one to really talk to to tell all my problems,
so im here at home all alone.
i called you from work you didnt answer,
and for the one who did you werent even listening.
thats what i need right now someone to listen,
i know that you could change this feeling temperarily but not forever.
i should have done better i shouldnt be here,
but i am and there isnt nothing i can do right now.
but ever though ive failed myself as others have done to me,
moms will never fail me nor will GOD.
because right now it is me against the world,
and imma fight back hard.
taking all my wounds and scares with me,
healing them as i go.
not even a trip to LAX could help me,
it could but the trip and the conversation itself wouldnt be enough to cure me but only sooth me.
but ive been down that road b4,
sittin outside waiting for minutes at a time would only make me made a cause me to get a ticket something i cant afford at this present moment.
but i wish the aftermath of that as b4 were an option for me it would at least help.
but im no longer counting on the shoulder of others to help me out,
imma do me and keep it that we.
contemplating if i go to joes or zaras would help,
umm not sure and even then i dont think that attemp would result in a cure.
ugggghhhh....so many things running through this unsober mind,
hoping thatnright now im not running out of time.
a trip to joes, a drive to ventura, a mob to inglewood, a minute in hawthorne, or a visit to the street cedar,
ima believer of venting so this is my only choice.
so this will be my voice .
since this is all i have at this present time,
and ill just keep all these thoughts on my mind.
shavers, jones, diamond, latin, eason, scott, haris, armijo, and all the rest arent there only williams so know i gots much love for you bru.
and imma keep with what im doing ,
till i get a change in luck.
p.s. again much love for ya d. will i got you whenever if needed.
me and backup you already know (we gunnas lol)
Monday, January 4, 2010
omg
okay so ive got a new crush and to me this bitch is badd, something about a bitchy but 1oo% honest girl that dressed bomb rocks my sox. And the confedence she has about knowing she badd does it for me too.
should i leave or should i stay
should i leave or should i stay,
inspite of all the conflict and complications at bay
should i fight the battle of trying to make the best of this situation nd just make it work,
should i stay and deal with this constant stress on my chest or stray.
ive never been one to run from my battles to let them come back to me later another day,
im not sure so ill keep doing what ive been doing and just pray.
should i leave the very thing i love nd down grade to something not so comfortable,
something that will take me back in time 5 years and have me soon to be doing better than my peers.
shit i should want to progress in happiness knowin that trouble doesnt last always and knowing that god will take care of me and supply all my needs,
in the end the outcome will be greater much more to show and so much less to owe lol
so should i stay or should i go.
honestly i still dont know but i will make my decision sooner than later
inspite of all the conflict and complications at bay
should i fight the battle of trying to make the best of this situation nd just make it work,
should i stay and deal with this constant stress on my chest or stray.
ive never been one to run from my battles to let them come back to me later another day,
im not sure so ill keep doing what ive been doing and just pray.
should i leave the very thing i love nd down grade to something not so comfortable,
something that will take me back in time 5 years and have me soon to be doing better than my peers.
shit i should want to progress in happiness knowin that trouble doesnt last always and knowing that god will take care of me and supply all my needs,
in the end the outcome will be greater much more to show and so much less to owe lol
so should i stay or should i go.
honestly i still dont know but i will make my decision sooner than later
this one thing that got me trippin
Ive never been one to be a fiend for sex...,
but this scratch of sexual frustration is killin me unsoftly.
its like a nat infront of your face that wont go away without a fight,
and a bad dream that just love to haunt me.
i can honestly say as of lately i have more down time so my mind does wonder more than before,
more than ever.
so this one thing called sex to me:
a physical action shared between a man and a woman,
an action that not only makes feelings deeper at times but can become something like a drug.
but this drug can get you hooked and wanting for more,
wanting to do more or do it more.
ok yes im an addict but my addiction is under control,
i have power over it... until im in the situation to where its presented with my drug and the drug dealer is attractive as well.
trying to not take a hit can be the hardest thing ever,
do i hit or do i pass sucha hard question to ask.
sigh......ive passed so many times to where i might at least try it now,
so if the pressure or my addiction or maybe i should say if the drug dealer comes around imma throw in the towel and take a hit ...shit i must free myself anyway/ anyhow.
but this scratch of sexual frustration is killin me unsoftly.
its like a nat infront of your face that wont go away without a fight,
and a bad dream that just love to haunt me.
i can honestly say as of lately i have more down time so my mind does wonder more than before,
more than ever.
so this one thing called sex to me:
a physical action shared between a man and a woman,
an action that not only makes feelings deeper at times but can become something like a drug.
but this drug can get you hooked and wanting for more,
wanting to do more or do it more.
ok yes im an addict but my addiction is under control,
i have power over it... until im in the situation to where its presented with my drug and the drug dealer is attractive as well.
trying to not take a hit can be the hardest thing ever,
do i hit or do i pass sucha hard question to ask.
sigh......ive passed so many times to where i might at least try it now,
so if the pressure or my addiction or maybe i should say if the drug dealer comes around imma throw in the towel and take a hit ...shit i must free myself anyway/ anyhow.
